


i will stand in the dark for you

by enjolraspermittedit



Series: into a new life [2]
Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: F/F, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolraspermittedit/pseuds/enjolraspermittedit
Summary: essentially it'sand time moves onbut in Sonya's POV instead.You don't have to be familiar with that fic in order to read this one, although it would be appreciated!





	i will stand in the dark for you

1\. when sonya is three years old, she is taken in by marya dmitrievna akhrosimova, who is her cousin natasha’s godmother. marya is a kind and accepting woman and she can be a little bit scary sometimes, but she’d never do anything to hurt someone who did not deserve it. sonya immediately feels at home in marya’s house, and she assumes that everyone else enjoys where they live.

2\. when sonya is five years old, she starts school, and she is scared and nervous but excited at the same time. she tells some of her classmates about how her godmother has a girlfriend and she does not understand why some of them do not like that. they’ve never even met her! sonya wonders what could possibly be wrong with a woman dating another woman.

3\. when sonya is nine years old, she realizes that she likes women too. only then does she start to truly understand homophobia, but at least she can always come home to marya and hélène who not only comfort sonya but also relate to the pain that she feels. not every guardian is like that, sonya now knows, but she still isn’t quite aware of the extent of it.

4\. when sonya is twelve years old, there is a remarkably pretty girl in her class named marya bolkonskaya. when they introduce each other, sonya’s heart leaps in her throat and she feels electric pulses in her fingertips. sonya tells mary that her godmother is named marya too and explains a bit about her home life. marya b freezes up upon hearing that marya d likes women but something about mary’s reaction feels different from the other negative reactions that sonya has seen in the past, but she can’t place what it is.

5\. when sonya is thirteen years old, she starts to accept that she has a crush on mary. it doesn’t matter much, anyway, though - mary’s always kissing random boys that sonya barely knows. they’re all ugly and cruel and seem very controlling, but sonya doesn’t know how to intervene. maybe they do treat mary well and sonya is just being jealous and paranoid.

6\. when sonya is fourteen years old, she becomes closer to mary’s brother andrey, but mary seems to be avoiding her. she doesn’t want to ask andrey about it, and besides, she only sees him because him and pierre bezukhov are dating natasha now. apparently he ran away from home and crashes at his partners’ houses because his father doesn’t accept his identity.

7\. when sonya is fifteen years old, she begins to put the pieces together about why andrey left and why mary always acts so weird around her, assuming she’s even around her at all. she’s sure she knows what is going on in that old-fashioned house but she doesn’t know how to help, and that’s what hurts the most.

8\. when sonya is sixteen years old she has four classes with mary so it’s really not possible for the two to avoid each other. mary seems happy to be talking to sonya again, but she’s still scared and seems constantly disgusted by something. one day sonya asks mary if she would like to hang out, and mary says yes, but then goes on to say that’s exactly why she can’t do it. they hang out anyway, just walking around town after school. it’s simultaneously nothing at all and everything to sonya.

9\. when sonya is seventeen years old, she goes to touch mary’s shoulder one day and mary freaks out. not in the ways that she usually does, but as if it physically hurts. a few days later she comes into school wearing a sweater and sunglasses. she removes herself from the room when the health teacher brings up the topic of child abuse and sonya just knows - knows what’s going on, but still not what to do about it.

10\. when sonya is eighteen years old, she admits to mary that she is not ready to move out of marya’s yet. mary, who is also eighteen, replies that she is ready to move out of her father’s but she cannot, for he insists that he needs her there. despite that, mary begins to spend an increased amount of time at sonya’s house, but not for the reason that sonya wants. sonya’s house is a safe space, but mary still doesn’t feel safe enough to want sonya as more than a friend.

11\. when sonya is nineteen years old, she decides to ask mary out, because she’s loved her for six years now. mary says yes, but she is terrified, and very cautious. sonya understands, of course.

12\. when sonya is twenty years old, she manages to help mary physically escape but is unable to help her mentally escape. she is safe from harm under marya d’s care, but her mind will not allow herself to recognize that. she may as well still be under her father’s “care.”

13\. sonya stays by mary’s side, of course. she can’t relate to her girlfriend’s trauma but she can help her through it, so that’s exactly what she does. mary is not used to being supported, and there are times when she tries to push sonya away because she believes she does not deserve it. mary slowly starts to see that she does in fact deserve support, and even when she can’t see it, sonya always can.

14\. when sonya is twenty-four years old, she proposes. it’s nervous and in no way as grand as she once dreamed of, but perhaps that’s better - it’s more genuine this way. sonya knows that mary loves her, but she still fears she’ll get rejected, that mary will not allow herself to say yes. sonya has never been more wrong.

15\. when sonya is twenty-five years old, she gets a wife. not just any wife, but the wife that she always wanted, and the wife that always wanted her (even if she didn’t always want to admit it). sonya’s whole family is there, and they’re mary’s family too now. it’s the happiest day of sonya’s life, her and mary now blossoming into a new life.

16\. the problems don’t go away overnight. sure, mary is safe and loved now, but for a vast majority of her life, she was not. some days she is convinced that her father is still alive; some days she is convinced that she is still stuck in his house; some days she is convinced that sonya does not actually love her. sonya is great at reassurance and she never once ignores mary’s bad days. sonya holds her tightly and assures her that this terrible night will pass. she can help her live, it will be all right.

17\. sonya never thinks about leaving. slowly, she can see mary start to heal. of course, she loves mary regardless of if she’s having a good or bad day, but she’ll always prefer to see the good days. together they celebrate little victories together. they learn to take the long route on walks so they don’t have to walk past mary’s old house. sonya holds mary back from doing terrible and unreasonable things to herself, and gently pushes her to take care of herself - and take care of others, too, take care of those who are all too familiar with mary’s old situation. sonya loves her wife and she will never let her get hurt again. she lives to love another day, every day.

**Author's Note:**

> yup those were Ghost Quartet and Preludes references you are correct  
> tumblr - rated-r-for-grantaire (or lilacswerewilting which is my Preludes one)  
> instagram - thisbrightstar  
> twitter - RomanasVilla


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